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Forever and a Day
By Mana

Oz fics. So, let me know what you think. Thanks.

Prologue

July 2003

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been waiting when out of nowhere; I heard the sound of a motor coming from outside. I couldn’t help but wonder if this time the car pulling into the parking lot was his. Jumping up from the couch, I hurried to look through the window. Nope, not him. He’d been gone for thirty minutes already. What could be taking so long? Where was he? What if something happened to him? In Los Angeles you never knew, especially in demony Los Angeles. God knows how many demon enemies we’ve picked up over the years.

My mind went into overdrive and I started pacing next to the window. Before I even noticed it, I was talking to myself. “The drugstore is only ten minutes away. And even if he drove the minimum speed limit and stopped at all the red lights… Plus, you have to factor in the time it’d take Wes to find the ideal medicine.” I smiled at the thought of Wesley roaming the aisles. “He’d still be back by now. I didn’t send him to Bermuda.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Calm down, Fred.”

Slowly I turned away from the window and back to our living room as I searched for something to distract me. My eyes roamed every inch of our apartment from the pictures on the wall, to our favorite book on the coffee table. We’d been through so much together. I could still remember the day he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. At that thought, my mind started to wander to the exact place I knew it would. That moment of happiness was forever connected to the pain that had led us there and almost tore us apart a year ago.

A noise at the front door brought me out of my thoughts. Instantly I realized Wesley was back. I ran from the window to the front door and almost hit the sofa along the way. I stood there as calmly as I could while Wesley took off his jacket and hung it on the chair.

“I couldn’t find anything particularly useful to the symptoms you were describing,” he told me as he reached into the plastic bag from the drugstore. “Are you feeling any better?” He waited a second for me to respond and continued on. From inside the bag he pulled out a bottle containing some kind of milky-pink substance. “I did manage to find this.” He looked up at me as he realized I hadn’t spoken or moved an inch. He set the bottle on the table. “Fred, what’s wrong?”

I couldn’t move. My heart was pounding, my hands were shaking, and I was starting to get that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed to wet my throat. “Wes,” I managed to get out, “I need to tell you something.”

His face instantly changed to worry. My own nervousness abruptly changed to guilt. Then, I gazed deeper into his eyes and I saw love. Once again, my thoughts betrayed me and brought me back to that week last November where I almost lost him.

Part 1

November 2002

“I call shotgun!” Gunn announced before Wesley even had a chance to open his mouth.

Wesley glared at him. “I was going to call shotgun.” Fred shot him a look. “Fine.” Wesley reluctantly got in back with Fred and Cordelia eyeing Gunn as he sat in the front seat next to Angel.

“Where did you say the guy lived?” Angel asked as he cranked the car.

Cordelia put a hand up to her throbbing head and hoped the pain from the vision would soon fade. “102. On Luhr…”

Gunn turned back from the front seat. “Luhrmann Boulevard?”

“That’s it.” She put her hand down from her head as she noticed Angel looking at her in the mirror. “You know where it is?”

“Yeah.” Gunn turned to Angel. “We’re going to have to make a left at the next road.”

Angel made a left, and then looked back at Cordelia in the mirror. “Cordy, are you feeling all right?”

She knew he was still worried about her and the visions. “I’ll be fine. Promise.” She smiled hoping to ease his worry. Angel just nodded, but was still troubled.

Ten minutes later, the gang pulled up to the last house on the street. On the outside the two-story house looked pleasant, but it was the only house in a thirty foot radius. There was a lonely feel that came with the home due to only having trees around it. The gloomy house had no flowers or any sort of decorations unlike the other homes in the neighborhood. There were no lights on except for the streetlight, making the house even creepier than it already looked.

Fred stepped out of the car and shivered in the night. “I just hope we’re not too late.”

The whole gang walked over to the front door of the house with Angel in the lead and Fred close behind him. Angel turned the doorknob and was surprised to see it was unlocked. Slowly and carefully he stepped into the house.

Fred looked at him in worry. “You’re not supposed-”

Angel nodded. “I know. He has to be dead.” He moved further into the house and Wesley and Fred, and then the rest of the gang followed him closely.

No one said anything for a while, until Gunn spoke to break the gloomy silence. “Angel, could you turn on the flashlight. Not everyone has vampire eyes.”

A beam of light lit up the room and they noticed it was kind of bare. There were obvious marks on the floor where something had been there recently. They stepped further into another room and Angel moved the flashlight to the corner of the area.

Fred gasped and froze in her tracks. She quickly looked away. Without a word to anyone, she turned around and briskly walked out of the house. Everyone else stepped into the room to get a better look.

There in the corner of the room was a man hanging from the ceiling by a rope around his neck. The rope had made marks on his neck and had left a bruise. His body was as pale as Angel, but his face had begun to turn a bluish-gray color. His eyes were still open and staring at them in horror. With the many demon killings they had seen, nothing seemed to cut deeper than this. This seemed worse somehow.

Wesley turned and followed Fred’s rapid exit out of the house. He found her standing next to the car and staring at the almost new moon in the night sky.

“Are you okay?”

Fred turned around to meet his eyes. “Why would anyone want to do that to themselves?”

Wesley didn’t know what to tell her. “I guess sometimes people are so in despair and alone that death seems to be the only way out.”

“I don’t believe that. There’s always a better way. There’s always someone to turn to or some kind of hope. I was stuck in Pylea for five years and I never once thought to…about that.”

Wesley knew what to say to that. “You’re strong. Some people are not as strong.” He paused to think about her question. “I guess this man thought there was no way out.” She looked into his face and saw memories in his eyes. Fred suddenly wondered if he was speaking from personal experience. She was about to ask him when she saw a figure coming towards them.

“Wesley!”

Neither one of them had a chance to move before the figure in a black cloak came from behind Wesley and knocked them both to the ground. The demon grabbed at Wesley on the ground and with one bony hand tried to roll him over. He looked into the demon’s dark red eyes. Wesley felt like he was being sucked in and falling into an abyss in the demon’s eyes.

All of a sudden, something knocked the demon off him and when he looked up Gunn was standing above him. Gunn helped him to his feet as Fred came over to them.

Wesley looked around for any trace of the demon. “Where did he go?”

Angel came back from the woods behind the house. “He disappeared into the woods. Are you-“

“I’m fine.” Wesley looked at the now empty house. “There’s nothing more we can do here.” Everyone nodded and got back in the car. No one said a word the whole ride back to the hotel.

In the darkness of the forest a single figure watched the gang drive away. “This one could have potential,” he laughed to himself.

Part 2

November 2002 continued…

“Would you hand me that book, love. The one on top of the pile.” Wesley couldn’t help but yawn. They’d gotten back late from finding the guy dead in his own house. He’d gone to sleep but had woken up early to come back and research the demon. He didn’t look up, but kept his eyes focused on the book he was already reading and his finger following the sentence. Without lifting his eyes off the page, he took the book from Fred’s hands and placed it next to the one already in front of him.

Fred smiled at his concentration on the task at hand, but she had decided he really needed a break. She stood up from her own chair next to his and placed her hands to cover the book he was reading. With his view blocked, Wesley reluctantly looked up at her.

“You need a break,” she said simply.

Wesley pulled her hands from the book and took her hands in his. Looking her straight in the eyes, he tried to reason with her. “I will in a second. I think I’ve finally found the demon we’re searching for.” Once again his eyes went back to the new book in front of him. Fred sat down, slumped in her chair, defeated.

Out of nowhere Wesley shouted, “I’ve found him!” He carried the book out to the lobby and set it on the counter. Fred jumped back out of her chair and followed Wesley to where the rest of the gang was arguing about their next course of action.

“That wasn’t a demon’s work.” Cordelia reminded Gunn and Angel. “That was human.”

Angel thought differently. “Cordelia, we don’t know that the demon didn’t have some part in this. We still don’t know who he is or what he can do.” They all turned to Wesley hoping he had some news.

“Well, I haven’t been able to find what he’s capable of just of yet…or much of anything…. But I do have a name.” Wes smiled at his own success and continued on. “The demon’s name….” Wesley trailed off, as Angel suddenly wasn’t listening. Angel had the look that told Wesley he felt or heard something no one else did. Wes tried to continue on. “The demon’s name is-” Wesley followed Angel’s gaze to the front door. Someone stood there and Wes froze in the middle of his sentence as the figure stepped out of the shadows.

Cordelia was the first to step forward when no one else moved. “May we help you?” She smiled her best ‘win them over’ Cordelia smile.

The well-dressed man walked over to them with an aura of superiority and centered his attention to Wesley. “No, thank you.” All heads turned to Wesley as they realized the newcomer had an English accent. “Son.”

“Father,” Wesley replied back.

“Father?” Fred was surprised. She’d never had the chance to meet or speak to Wesley’s parents. Fred made her way around the counter to Wesley’s father. “Hi, I’m Fred. I mean, Winifred.” She held out her hand to the older man. “Pleased to meet you. I would say I’ve heard a lot about you, but I haven’t.” At the man’s look, Fred added immediately, “but I’m sure I will.” She looked at the gang who were all staring at her. “Sorry,” she said meekly.

Wesley’s father actually acknowledged her and firmly shook her hand. Fred smiled sweetly. Walking back behind the counter, she slowly returned to her spot next to Wesley and lovingly held onto his arm.

His father followed behind her and picked up the book on the counter that Wesley had been using. “I see some things haven’t changed. You’re still the best the Watcher’s Council has to offer.” His father looked him pointedly in the eyes. Wesley didn’t say anything. To anyone else it would have almost been a compliment, but Wesley knew what he meant by that. “I just wanted to stop by and let you know I was in town. I’ll be coming by your place tonight and we can talk.” He dropped the book on the counter and without another look or movement to anyone; his father turned and was gone.

Everyone’s eyes turned back from the front door to Wesley. He didn’t move, but continued staring in the direction of the front door.

“Wesley?”

The sound of Fred’s voice seemed to break him out of his trance. “Huh?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I….” He started gathering his things. “I need to go.” He grabbed both books he’d been using and put them on the desk in his office. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Wesley grabbed his jacket and headed for the front door.

“Hey, man. What about the demon?” Gunn called to him.

“But it’s only the middle of the afternoon!” Cordelia reminded him.

“What about our plans for tomorrow? We were going to make plans-Wesley!” Fred tried, but her calls fell on deaf ears.

Part 3

November 2002 continued…

Wesley fumbled with the keys to his apartment and dropped them on the floor. He couldn’t get the key into the keyhole. “Bloody hell,” he muttered as he bent over to pick them up. Finally, the key went in and he hurried into the apartment.

Wesley surveyed the entire clean apartment. There was so much to do. He had to vacuum, dust… The place had to be spotless. Completely clean. Nothing astray. Without thinking he grabbed the various pictures of Fred, Cordelia, Gunn, and few of Angel he had. Taking them all he hid them in the closet in his bedroom. Where to start?

Some hours later, the apartment was still not clean and organized enough when someone knocked at the front door. Wesley quickly put everything away and he went to answer the door. Standing there was his father. Without being invited, the elder Wyndam-Pryce stepped into the apartment. He looked around analyzing everything. When he was satisfied he turned back to his son.

No one spoke, until Wesley broke the silence. “It’s nice to see you again, Father. How’s Mum?”

“She’s doing fine.” His father went right to business. “I’m here because the Watcher’s Council has asked me to review the situation concerning Angel. We’ve known for some time about the vampire’s son, but recently we’ve decided to investigate the seriousness of the matter.” He paused to make sure Wesley was listening carefully. “They also want to meet to check on your involvement in all of this.” He couldn’t hold in his true thoughts anymore. “A former Watcher helping a vampire and his son. It’s an embarrassment, and not only to them. I’m ashamed to let anyone know you’re my son.” Wes just stood there taking it all. There wasn’t anything he could say. “Though I shouldn’t be surprised.” His father stepped forward and picked up something Wesley had missed in his hurry to clean the apartment. It was barely visible against the wall on the counter. Alarms went off in Wesley’s head as he realized his father now held a small-framed photograph of Fred and him taken over the summer. “You always did settle for the worst and the least in everythi-”

Wesley tore the picture from his father’s hands. Before he realized what he was doing his fist had come up and he had hit his father. His father’s look of shock mirrored his own thoughts. He’d never even spoken against his father before, and now he’d hit him.

“You think you have the bloody gall to hit me.” His father took his own swing; but unlike Wesley, there was no restraint.

Wesley fell hard to the floor and the picture flew out of his hands and hit the floor hard beside him. The left side of his face was numb.

His father leaned over so he was less then two inches from his face. Wesley could feel the waves of disgust radiating off of him. “You think you’ve changed,” his father yelled at him. “You’re still the same stupid, pathetic, little boy. Are you trying to fool her? Because you can’t. Just like the rest of them, she’ll soon realize it, too.” His father picked up the picture and tossed it to the floor in front of him. “Be a man for once and save her the pain. Save them all the pain.” Without another word he left and slammed the front door.

Wesley felt numb on the inside as well as the outside. He looked down at the smiling faces of Fred and himself taken only a couple of months ago. In a sudden burst of rage he grabbed the picture and smashed it to the floor. He started sobbing as he looked at the shattered glass all over the place. Just as everything was going well, everything was shattered again. In despair and alone, he cried himself to sleep on the cold, hard floor.

From outside a figure watched and waited. He could feel the strong flow of energy coming to him. He had decided this was the one. “This is going to be fun.”

Part 4

November 2002 continued…

Fred stretched and got out of bed as her alarm screamed at her. She took a quick shower and then made her way downstairs. It was only eight o’clock, but she could hear voices in Wesley’s office. As she got closer she realized one voice was Angel and the other was English, but not Wesley. She could only make out some of what they were talking about.

“Where is your son?” she heard Wesley’s father ask abruptly.

“Where is yours?” Fred was shocked at Angel’s answer. She waited for a reply from the Englishman, but no one said anything else. Then, Angel bluntly answered, “Connor’s gone.”

Fred tried getting closer to hear better. She was right outside the door when a voice startled her.

“Good morning, Fred.” Angel told her without turning around.

“Good morning.” She walked into the office where the two were talking. Wesley’s father scornfully looked her over as she came in.

“I’ll be going now. I have to get back to England.” He pushed his way past Fred and left.

When Fred was sure he was gone she spoke up. “What was that all about?”

“It seems that the only reason he’s here is to get information for the Watcher’s Council on Connor.” Fred could tell Angel was holding his anger in about something, but she didn’t know what.

“Oh.”

***

Wesley woke up the next morning on the wooden floor of his living room to a throbbing pain in his head. He suddenly remembered he’d cried himself to sleep. That explained the headache, but he hadn’t cried himself to sleep since he lived with his parents. Added to the throbbing pain was a piercing noise he realized was the phone ringing.

He groaned as he got up and realized how sore he was from sleeping on the floor. “Hello?”

“Wesley?” It was Fred. She stopped to speak to someone in the background. “Wait guys. I have him.” Her attention turned back to him. “Wesley, where are you?” She stopped. “I mean not ‘where are you’, cause I know where you are. But what are you still doing there? Do you know what time it is?” Wesley glanced at the alarm clock in his room and noticed he was really late for work. “We thought something happened to you. We were all ready to go over there, but I was smart and decided to call first. Wes, what’s going on?”

He didn’t want to lie to her. “Fred, I don’t think I’m coming in today.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong?” The urgency and worry in her voice almost made him cave in and tell her everything, but he knew he couldn’t. No one could ever know. He’d never tell anyone.

Wesley looked at the bruise already forming on his face in the mirror. He looked like shit. He couldn’t lie to her. “I’m not feeling well. I think I’ve…uh…come down with something.” He did lie to her.

Fred was wary of his answer. She’d gotten to know Wesley pretty well in the last year and a half, and he wasn’t a good liar. Fred didn’t say anything for a while. “Okay.” She gave him another chance. “Wesley, is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” he lied to her again.

Fred didn’t say anything again, as she thought this over. She hated to think it, but she knew he was lying to her. “Okay. Well, I’ll be over later. I’ll fix you some soup.”

He was quick to interrupt. “No, I’m fine. You don’t have to come.”

She’d caught him and he knew it. He was avoiding her and something was definitely wrong. “Wesley. Either you come to work, or I’m coming over.”

Wesley sighed. She wasn’t going to let this go. “Fine, I’ll be there in an hour.” He hung up the phone.

He didn’t even bother to clean up the glass on the floor. He headed straight for the closet and then the shower. Twenty minutes later he was ready to go. He stopped to take something out of the pocket of his jacket. He stared sadly and longingly at the small box, but quickly put it in his desk drawer. It was time to be a man.

Part 5

November 2002 continued…

Wesley stood looking through the glass into the lobby of the Hyperion. The whole gang were there waiting for him. They were each doing their own thing of course, but it was obvious they were all on edge and waiting. Wesley quickly came to the conclusion that Fred must have told them something was wrong.

It was now or never. He opened the door as smoothly as he could to not attract attention. It wasn’t enough, because instantly Fred looked up. He took the few tired steps down the front stairs. It was then that Fred noticed his face.

“Oh my god! What happened?” She jumped out of her chair and rushed over to him. Wesley didn’t know what to say. He had hoped to somehow avoid this and sneak into office. He realized now that idea had been foolish.

Fred lifted a comforting hand to his face, but he just shrugged her away. Fred was confused by this action. Something was different from yesterday. Wesley had never avoided her, except that one time after he attacked her. However, there were circumstances then.

The only thing Wesley could think of was ways to avoid letting anyone know what really happened. The whole gang was now standing behind her and staring at him suspiciously. What could he tell them to ease their suspicions?

“I had another run in with the demon last night.” Fred didn’t say anything. She was still not convinced he was telling the truth.

“Wesley. Why didn’t you call anyone?!” Cordelia asked him angrily. “That’s the second time.”

“It was late, and I’m fine.” He stepped past everyone and into his office carrying two new books from home. He sat down at his desk and started to work on looking through one of the new books. A minute later Fred came in with a bag of ice.

“Thanks.” Fred just nodded and sat down next to him with the other new book.

“Your father came by today.” At this Wesley looked up shocked. “He asked a bunch of questions about Angel and Connor. Then, he said he was leaving and going back to England. Did you two get to talk last night?”

Wesley looked back down at his book. He couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Not so much.”

“Oh… Well, I’m sure he’ll call soon and come back another time.” At Wesley’s uneasiness she dropped the subject.

Fred tried to focus on searching for more information on the demon, but she couldn’t stop glancing at Wesley out of the corner of her eye.

Wesley looked over at her and caught her in the act. He abruptly stood up. “I can’t do this.” Fred looked at him with a questioning glance. “You keep looking at me as if you expect me to…to grow horns.”

He hurried out of the office leaving all the books behind. The rest of the gang stood outside of the office’s window and overheard everything. Nobody would bloody well leave him alone.

“Wesley!” Wesley stopped in his hurry to get out of the building and out of the way of everyone’s scrutiny. He turned around to face Fred. It was time to be a man and spare her anymore pain.

“We can’t do this anymore, Fred. We’re through.” He turned around and left out the front door. Fred couldn’t open her mouth from the shock that came out of nowhere.

Cordelia came behind her. “Fred, isn’t today-”

“Yeah.” Fred nodded, but still looked toward the empty front door. “T-Today is our nine month anniversary.”

Gunn still didn’t understand what was going on. “Okay. What the hell just happened?”

Everyone exchanged looks. Nobody knew.

Part 6

November 2002 continued…

Wesley didn’t know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away. He had to get away from Fred, his father, and everything else. How could he make everything stop? How could he make the pain end?

***

Fred flipped the page for the thousandth time. Suddenly her eyes rested on a familiar face. It was the demon they had discovered outside the dead man’s house; or rather he had discovered them.

“I found him, guys. He was in one of Wesley’s books from home. This book says the demon’s name is Silvom. There’s even a little bio.” Fred started reading. “Silvom feeds off-”

“Pain and grief.” Everyone looked at Angel for an explanation. “He terrorized me after the gypsies cursed me,” he explained. “He searches for someone with deep inner pain and then uses it to his advantage. He takes the pain you already have, makes a little push inside you, and watches as you collapse.”

“Collapse?” Fred wasn’t sure what he meant by that.

“He watches and feeds from your pain and grief until you kill yourself. At the moment when you’re at your worst and ready to die, he makes the final feed and then finds someone else. In my case, I was already dead. When Silvom realized that, he left me.”

Cordelia broke the silence. “I told Giles there was a demon for everything.”

Fred looked back down at the book. “Uh, all that’s not in here. But it does say the demon locates someone through the window. Whatever that means. Then, like Angel said, he watches until uh… the suicide and finds someone else as quickly as possible.” Everyone looked at her. “What?” Then, it hit her. “Wesley. He moved onto Wesley.” Another light bulb lit. “Windows-eyes are windows to the soul.”

“We have to find him.” Angel moved to the front door as everyone but Fred followed.

“Wait. There’s one thing I don’t understand. Silvom finds someone, and then he watches and waits, right? Then, why did he visit Wesley last night?”

Cordelia grabbed her head and fell to the floor as pain ripped her head in half. She came out of the vision breathing heavily and shaking. “Wesley. He’s in a forest somewhere.” A tear slid down her cheek. “He’s so lost.” Angel helped her up and wrapped his arms around her. Cordelia welcomed the comfort that they all needed.

Fred thought for a second. “I know where he is.”

Part 7

November 2002 continued…

He tried to cover his ears to make the noise stop. Nothing could stop the yelling that echoed in his head and threatened to drive him crazy.

“Why do you make me do this?” He could feel a kick to the stomach and he landed on his back.

“Father, I’m sorry,” Wesley said aloud to the trees.

“You’re sorry?” His mind echoed back.

A thousand phrases that his father had told him throughout the years bombarded his head. “You’ll never amount to anything. Never be a real man. You’re just a little schoolboy. A boy who infects everyone he knows. Never could do anything right.”

Wesley suddenly knew what he had to do. He could finally do something right.

***

“Fred, where are we going?” Gunn asked from the front seat.

“There is a place that Wesley and I go to sometimes. He said it reminded him of a place in England. Somewhere he used to go to read for the peace and quiet. He goes there sometimes when things are bothering him…Griffith Park.”

***

Wesley looked at the nineteenth century dagger as it shined at him in the lamplight. It was calling him to do it. It was pleading him to make his and everyone else’s pain end. He had a death grip on the handle and put the point of the blade on his chest over his heart.

“Do it,” his mind told him.

“I’m sorry, Father,” he sobbed.

“Wesley.” The voice startled him and he pulled the dagger away. “Wesley, don’t do it.” She wasn’t there. He didn’t care. He put the dagger back up and in level with his heart.

Something in the trees caught Angel’s eye and he whispered to Fred and Cordelia, “Keep talking to him.” He made a quick motion to Gunn and they both ran at something in the woods.

Fred couldn’t decide if she should move to Wesley or stay put. She desperately wanted to reach him and be close to him, but she was afraid that he would use the dagger. She couldn’t take the chance. “Wesley, look at me.”

He didn’t look at her, but instead kept his eyes focused on the dagger. It was like she wasn’t even there. Nothing was there anymore, but the dagger.

Fred tried again. “Wesley, this isn’t you. It’s a demon, Silvom. You don’t want to do this. He’s making you do this.” He could feel the point of the dagger burrowing into his skin. Fred was scared. She wasn’t getting through to him. She could hear Gunn and Angel fighting somewhere in the forest nearby. “Please, don’t do this. Wes, I love you.”

Wesley flinched at those words, but carried on. In a sudden move he lunged the dagger straight at his heart.

“No!” Fred ran forward as she watched Wesley fall to the ground. She fell to the ground on her knees beside him. Tears sprang to her eyes and she blurrily tried to look at him. She cradled his head in her lap. She could hear Cordelia crying beside her. It was then that Fred noticed there was no blood on his shirt, and the dagger was safely on the ground. There was no blood on it either.

Angel and Gunn appeared from behind some trees. “Silvom is dead.”

She could feel Wesley’s heart beating and she relaxed as she realized he was still alive. The only reason he was alive was because Angel and Gunn had been able to kill the demon in the nick of time and loosen its hold on Wesley. A tear slid down her cheek. She realized she hadn’t been able to save him from his nightmares.

Part 8

November 2002 continued…

Fred breathed in the smell of homemade tacos. She looked over at Wesley on the couch; he was staring off into space. “You want some tacos?”

He just out of his daydream. “Hmm? Oh, no. No, thank you. Soup’s fine.”

Fred sat down on the couch next to him. She smiled softly at him. Wesley’s heart melted and he had to look away from her eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” Wesley looked over at the floor where yesterday there had been glass. Fred realized what he was looking at. “I cleaned it up this morning, while you were still asleep.”

Wesley nodded. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Fred started to get up to get her tacos and his soup.

He didn’t want her to leave him. He wanted her close. Ironic since yesterday all he had wanted was to get away from everything. “A lot of things.” He answered her question to get her to stay. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Mostly guilt.”

Fred was quick to butt in. “You shouldn’t. This could have happened to anyone. Angel said this thing attacked him a long time ago and he couldn’t fight back either.” At Wesley’s look, Fred realized, “That’s not what you meant, is it?”

“I feel guilty for all of it. For lying to you, and yes, for letting him control me and use me.”

There was a long pause as Fred tried to work up the courage to ask him a question. “Wesley, it wasn’t the demon who hit you the other night, was it?”

Wesley took in a shaky breath and shook his head. “No.”

“Was it your father?” Wesley nodded, and it finally dawned on Fred. “That’s why Angel was angry. He said the only reason your father came was for the Council. I’m sorry.” She tried to look him in the eyes, but Wesley was looking down. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about him? When he came by the other day I… I would have never guessed. I don’t understand how he could… I just don’t understand.”

Wesley looked her in the eyes for the first time. He trusted this woman more than anyone ever in his life. Still, this was hard.

“I don’t remember the first time he…hit me. As far back as I can remember, all my life, it was always the same. Wesley can’t do anything right, Wesley’s in trouble again. When someone would call me names or make fun of me at school, Father would say they’re right, then, he’d join in. After so many years, I began believing everything he said was true about me. Once Father started training me for the Watcher’s Council it just got worse. Now where I had been good enough before, I suddenly wasn’t anymore. The whole time he…did what he did, I never thought anything was wrong. I thought everything he did was normal. I was being punished for where I failed. It wasn’t until I was about twelve that I realized my life was different than everyone else.”

He looked away as if he was watching a memory unfold in front of him. “One day when I was ten. I had been playing at school and had fallen and ripped my trousers, cut open my knee. I was afraid to go home. I stayed outside until night. Then, I finally realized I had to go home. There was no other choice. Father was waiting for me. He took one look at me and said it was my fault. He asked me, why did I have to be such a… sissy. He grabbed me by the arm and hit me. I begged him to stop. I tried to run away, but it just made him hunt me more.”

He shook his head. “Mum wouldn’t do anything. She’d just watch. She agreed with him on everything. When he felt like it was enough, then it was over. Sometimes after that he’d lock me under the stairs, and other times he’d let me go upstairs. I’d be sore and have marks from his hand or the belt. I wasn’t allowed to cry. If I did, he’d come back. So, I’d sit in my room and try not to cry. A lot of times I couldn’t hold it in and I’d cry. But then I’d remember and try to hold it in. It happened again and again until I was eighteen and left the house. I was eighteen and my father still hit me and locked me under the stairs. I felt like a sissy in the eyes of all my friends and everyone else in the world.” He choked back a sob.

Fred couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Wesley, you don’t-”

“There was no one to stop it and no one to help me. I had no one. When I came here to work with Angel and everyone just accepted me, made me family. It was like a dream come true. I had a family who actually cared.” He looked up at her. “Then, I hurt my family. After I attacked you, I sat here wondering for three days how I could have let myself hurt you.” His eyes watered and his voice broke with emotion. “I don’t understand how anyone can hurt someone they love.”

“They can’t, Wesley. What they did to you… Someone who loved you couldn’t have done that to you.” He had her crying now, too. She enclosed him in her arms and he relaxed in her comfort. “I love you. More than anything.” They sat there for a moment, happy to be together. “Wait, I have something for you.” She grabbed her bag next to the couch and gave him a present wrapped in blue paper. She smiled as she wiped away her tears. “Happy Anniversary. Well, it was yesterday, but still... Open it.”

“I…I don’t have anything.”

“Its okay. Just open it.” Wesley opened the small box to reveal a brand new picture frame with the same picture from the broken one. “Since the other one was broken… I thought it was a good idea. It’s stupid really.”

“No. I love it. But I don’t-” He quickly got up. “Wait.” He quickly hurried off into his bedroom. The tacos and soup were long forgotten. A minute later he came back with something hiding behind his back.

“Wesley, what’s going on?” He got down on one knee in front of her. Fred couldn’t move. He wasn’t…

He opened the small box that had been stashed in his desk drawer. “Fred, I love you. I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me?”

He did... Fred was speechless for a while and Wesley didn’t know what she was thinking. She nodded and Wesley put the ring on her hand.

As soon as the ring was on her finger, Fred grabbed him in a huge hug and kissed him. “This tops my present.”

***

July 2003

“Fred?” Wesley’s voice brought me back out of my memories. “What were you going to tell me?”

I thought for a second before I realized what he was talking about. The shaking stopped and I took another deep breath. “Wesley, I’m pregnant.”

THE END

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT PART IN THE SERIES...GIVE MY HEART